Shadow’s frequently asked questions

Is Shadows a sex party or a sex positive kink party?

Shadows is a sex positive kink party

What is the difference between a sex party, and your sex positive kink parties?

Most people who attend our lifestyle sex parties are there with the intention of having sex. However, even this does not necessarily mean they are there hoping to have sex with anyone or everyone. Some people like anonymous encounters, some prefer to stick to those they know and have developed that type of relationship with, and others just simply want to have sex with their own partner in front of other people. Any of these reasons are valid reasons to attend.

The main reason for attending our sex positive kink parties on the other hand, for most people, is KINK/BDSM. For some kink is highly sexual and it is nice to have somewhere on site to be able to have sex after a scene, or a bedroom to use for a kinky sex scene, for many others though, kink is not about sex at all. Some people have play partners for years that they never have sex with. This is perfectly valid. Some people come to our parties just to learn, others simply to make like minded friends. We are a community and a family and a safe place for all. It is for these reasons that it would be unwise to attend a kink party with no actual interest in kink, and for the sole purpose of getting laid.

Sexual harassment at any of our events will not be tolerated. If you have shown interest in someone sexually or otherwise and they have not shown interest back, let it go. Do not keep pushing or saying inappropriate things that make that person uncomfortable or you will be asked to leave

Tip from staff: it’s helpful to ask yourself, would I talk to a person I was interested in and met anywhere else like this? If the answer is no, you probably shouldn’t do it here either.

I’ve met someone that I am interested in at one of your parties, what should I do next? What shouldn’t I do?

That’s great. We are proud to say that many great relationships have started right here at Shadows! However there are a few things to ask yourself first.

Are they looking for the same thing as you? Are they even open to new partners? Have they shown interest in you at all?

Start by reading their profile, find out what they are looking for, send them a message or introduce yourself at a party.

Leaving comments all over their profiles about how much you would like to fuck them or telling them how you jerk off to their pictures in most cases wont get you far – again, do you talk to people you don’t know like this elsewhere?

Sometimes even if you do everything “right” rejection still might happen. That’s life. Handle it with grace. There are many others out there, and people talk.

That scene looks cool! Should I get closer so I can have a better look?

No. There is a reason that we ask people not to interrupt others scenes or walk out on to the dungeon floor to get a closer look or ask questions. Not only is it considered rude unacceptable behaviour within the community to do this, it comes down to safety. If the Top in said scene is now distracted by you, it could put their bottom in danger as their attention is now not fully on their bottom. In the same way that the bottom, who often times is in a very vulnerable situation with someone they trust, may have an adverse reaction and panic or become upset that someone they do not know is in that close proximity to them while in that vulnerable state.

If you are curious about something they were doing, wait until after the scene, and after their aftercare is done, to ask questions. Or alternatively, ask a staff member, we are always happy to show you the ropes.

Is there anything else you are curious to know about our parties? message us through the contact form, or find us on Facebook or Fetlife.